Sunday, February 28, 2010

Thankful

UPDATE: Layla Grace Marsh left her earthly home and went to heaven to rejoice with Jesus and all the heavenly hosts on March 9, 2010. What a blessing she was to so many (even those who never met her). Because of Layla and her family, I have signed up to donate our baby's cord blood and to be on the registry for bone marrow donation. Pay it Forward - Layla Grace. :)
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I usually try to post blog updates in regard to something funny or silly that has happened in our lives. And I thank God that we are, for the most part, blessed with a happy family and good health (aside from recent bouts of RSV and a broken collar bone) so that most of my posts can be light-hearted and fun to read.

But tonight I have to write about something that has had such an impact on me as a mother that I can't not call attention to it. But please know that this post is not light-hearted. It is from a story so heart-breaking that it has put my world into a spin and resulted in me crying myself to sleep for several nights.

If you follow my Facebook page you know I have been praying for a little two-year old girl - Layla Grace who is dying from Stage 4 Neuroblastoma. I do not know her. I do not know her family. But I have been so completely touched and so profoundly changed by her and her parents that I feel as if I have known them my entire life.

Now being a physician's wife, I hear stories of death and heartache often. But something about this family...something about Layla has struck me in a way nothing else has. Tonight when Josh saw me once again weeping at my computer as I read the latest blog post by Layla's daddy, he asked me why I continue to torture myself. And I explained to him that I had no choice now but to continue to follow Layla's life and to pray unceasingly for her and her amazing family. I explained to him that when I read what Layla's parents are experiencing and my heart breaks because I cannot fathom the strength it takes to watch your child die...I truly realize what blessings I have in my family. Our children are healthy. I can hear Naomi's baby snores on the monitor upstairs and it brings me so much comfort and gratefulness that I have been on my knees thanking God for what he has blessed me with. Of course I have always been thankful for the gifts I have in my children, but I feel that because of Layla and her parents, this thankfulness has become complete, raw, and life-changing. When Nicholas or Natalie begin to fight with one another I find that I deal with reprimanding them in a way I should have always done - with love and patience, not anger and exasperation. When Naomi begins perfecting her toddler tantrums, my first reaction is one of calmness and love. And tonight as I washed dishes after dinner and scrubbed stains on the laundry...I did it with gratitude because I have children who are healthy enough to eat and make a mess of themselves. I have never been more thankful than I am right now and I have never felt closer to God than I do today. And I am so sorry and ashamed that it took the incomprehensible journey of the Marsh family to bring this into full perspective for me.

As I have prayed asking God "why, why, why...does pain and suffering have to come to a sweet, innocent child"...I have heard God speak. He has revealed to me the change that has taken place in my heart and by reading the Facebook, Twitter, Blog comments from other people just like me who are praying for Layla, I know that change has also come to thousands of other people. What a remarkable legacy for such a short lifetime. And tonight as I pray for peace for Layla and peace for her family. I envision the wonderful image of Christ standing at the gates waiting to bring home a small and precious faithful servant. A servant who helped me truly appreciate what God has blessed me with and whose journey has helped me become the mother that I should have been all along. I am forever grateful Layla Grace.



www.LaylaGrace.org




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